A partner in prison, two children to look after alone, pregnancy, birth and death. This is my story:
I was three months pregnant when my partner was arrested and sent to prison for a sexual offending. The shock and trauma of this having happened was unbearable in itself, but fast forward six months and the pain and suffering only got worse. Late one night I went into labour while he was in prison, things took a tragic turn for the worst and sadly what should have been a happy day holding our bundle of joy, quickly turned into a real-life nightmare.
Our baby was born sleeping. I had an excruciating wait of a couple of hours before he called, and l had to tell him the dreaded news. Both saddened and struck with grief we didn’t know what to do now or what our next steps would be. Family members and hospital staff rallied around, and we made a million calls to the prison in an attempt to get my partner to the hospital so that he could hold his baby for the first and last time. To my absolute surprise, the prison was great in such tragic circumstances.
After a few battles, later that day, he was escorted through the building to my bedside. We had to sit 2 metres apart (due to covid) . He was cuffed on a chain, wearing gloves and a mask and two guards were standing watching us the whole time. But all that mattered was that he was finally able to hold our little boy and say goodbye.
We were allowed 30 minutes. After that time, he was escorted back through the hospital, placed back in the van and transported back to the prison.
Six weeks later the day arrived when we could finally lay our baby to rest. We had been forewarned that there would be no prior notice as to whether he would be allowed to attend the funeral and if he was, it would be under the strict licence conditions which he was granted on the ROTL issued after our baby’s death, there would be no intimacy allowed.
On the day of the funeral, much to my surprise a van arrived and there he was. Much to everyone’s surprise he was allowed to sit next to me, hold my hand and we cuddled and comforted each other through our darling boys sending off. He was also allowed a few moments after the service with his family. The guards on duty that day could not have been more caring, understanding and thoughtful. I will forever be grateful not only to them but both the prison chaplain and the head of the prison who catered to our needs and allowed us to share the last moments with our son together.
Once the service was over, he was escorted back to the prison. I found out later that he was allowed to spend the rest of the day out of his cell and was given counselling to assist with having lost his son. I guess you could say that we were “lucky” in some respects because my partner had an in-cell phone so we spoke at great lengths, which really helped us both. The cost of these calls is staggering, and I estimate that personally I spent hundreds of pounds on additional calls during this time. Almost every penny of the £25.50 which he earned per week also went on ensuring that we kept in touch regularly.