In unfamiliar circumstances it can be difficult to know where to turn for support and advice. At Unseen Victims we are always here to help guide you through this challenging time. Below you’ll find a handful of testimonials and cases from people we’ve helped.
Below you’ll find testimonials from some of the people we’ve supported.
“My journey at the beginning was absolutely horrendous to the point i felt i wasn’t able to function. I had no idea there was support like this available and wish i’d known sooner. It would have made this situation so much more bearable. But since joining UV i have become more confident and knowing there is a wealth of support out there from this amazing group has been invaluable. I can’t thank the team enough and especially Emma for creating such a safe environment to feel able to just be yourself in. To be asked to join the admin team a few months ago felt like an incredible priviledge. I hope that all those i need of a place to vent, get advice or just feel less alone find their way to us. UV restores my faith in humanity, after i had completely lost it and given up any hope of finding it again. It’s a lifeline for so many x.”
“Whilst I am lucky to have had a lot of support from family and friends on this awful journey, I have still felt alone as no one truly understands unless they have been on the same journey. The support and advice I have received in this group from others in the same situation has been invaluable.”
“We all need support going through this absolute nightmare but there is just nowhere offered to us from the usual channels. I just felt so lost and alone before, but UV has given me a safe place to be amongst people feeling the same things i feel, and this has been amazing for mental health and just general wellbeing. I can’t thank UV and its members enough for the non judgemental support and care of light in a dark world. Than you all so much for just being there and caring about each other xx.”
“Without having Unseen Victims group I would have lost my mind by now! I don’t post a lot but I just feel I am in a safe place. And fun Sundays has kept me sane. Thank you for being there for me.”
“It really is and has been a roller coaster of emotions with so many twists and turns of events. Like you said it’s such a shame I didn’t have the access to your support network right at the beginning as that would have helped me through my darker times, but I’m so glad my partner passed your website on to me and I’m here now able to reach out.
Finally speaking to someone who can relate, understand and explain how everything works legally really has helped me. Finally feeling less alone. Your advice was much appreciated, and having someone I could talk to freely without judgement meant the world.
I fell inspired hearing your story and you’re so brave with everything you’ve been through and now committing to helping others. I’d love to check out your Facebook support group.”
“Unseen victims has been a godsend to me. I discovered very quickly there is very little real support for people like me. The wives, partners, mothers and friends of these caught up in the criminal justice system. We are forgotten and often kept in the dark. The support of unseen victims and the peer support of others in the same position is invaluable. A friendly ear without judgement. Comparing stories and having a few laughs to lighten the darkest days. Some practical advice and information from those with experience. Unseen victims is the only place I feel truly welcome and supported from the very second I found them. Thank you all xxx.”
“Thankyou for guiding & supporting us on this horrible journey.”
“Thankyou so much for the support & compassion that is shown. This horrendous journey is made more bearable by the non-judgemental information shared.”
“Everyone is amazing all the work and time you put into this group. Thank you for accepting me x.”
“The only group I have found with genuine care and no judgement.”
“Thank you for all the support I have received I had absolutely nowhere to turn until I found this page and I don’t think I could go through life without you guys now, I have made some life long friends and will be forever thankful and grateful for everything.”
“I’d just like to say that the support you give through Unseen Victims is amazing and I wish someone like you were around when my children and I needed support; we went through hell. “
Below you’ll find examples of cases we’ve been able to offer help and advice in. All names are fictional.
I met Alice at one of the numerous conferences that I have attended up and down the country, over the years. She is an elderly, very frail woman but she finds the strength to attend as many of these social gatherings as she can afford to every year. The support for Alice is one of friendship now because her prison journey ended in 2019 when her husband of over 40 years passed away in prison custody. Whilst I have supported countless others through the trauma of this having happened, I wasn’t involved in Alice’s case. She was at the conference alone and so at lunchtime I invited her to come for lunch with me at a nearby cafe and we had a conversation that utterly broke my heart and encouraged an awful lot of the content in the book I wrote to offer advice to those who find themselves on these journeys. Alice’s husband had been jailed for historical sexual offending, he never denied that he had committed the crimes and accepted that he should be jailed, as did Alice. He was in poor health upon reception to prison but he lived through all but 12 months of a 7 year sentence, of which he would have spent 3 and ½ in jail and the remainder in the community, on licence. He was 81 when he was jailed. She was 77. I told her about the work that I had been doing, supporting people just like her for years and told her that I wished that I had been there for her when she needed me. As the conversation evolved she told me about the difficulties that she had faced losing her children and almost every other family member because she had stood by their father. She told me how she struggled living on a single pension after her husband’s pension had been stopped once he was jailed. She told me how she had been approached by a ruthless law firm who had bizarrely, considering his guilty admission, suggested appealing his conviction and managed to swindle £20,000 out of her, pretty much all of their life’s savings. She spoke about the agony of him dying and her not being able to afford to visit him in the day’s running up to his death. This story is by no means unique, I am currently supporting scores of ladies whose husbands will undoubtedly die in prison custody. The prisons do signpost loved ones to support organisations which are specifically geared up to assist when a death occurs but Unseen Victims have provided support, often for many years, to these individuals and having formed an alliance and understanding of the journey, this is in every single case, a godsend. As discussed previously, there are a number of chapters in Unseen Victims (the book) which directs the reader to consider and evaluate the person or organisation that are seemingly being friendly and wishing to assist. These people are incredibly vulnerable and it is imperative that they are forewarned about so many scams or false friends who surface and strike when they are at their lowest point.
The first contact I had with Anna was a telephone call completely out of the blue after a group member had identified how distressed she was and passed on my number. I took over an hour to calm Anna down as she was completely distraught. Her son had been arrested the previous day and had been remanded into immediate custody. She had no idea where he was and the police wouldn’t release any information concerning where he had been taken or the reason why he had been arrested. She had spent 2 hours at the station pleading with them before seeking support online.
Once I had calmed her down we began discussing what would have happened and how to go about locating him. Once I established the area that they lived in it was easy to work out which prison he was likely to be being held. I advised her to go on the government website which is used to locate a prisoner but warned her that this process is not quick and she could be waiting weeks to hear from them. I also advised her that he would be given a reception phone call and that this is only useful if he can remember anyone’s phone numbers, which is unlikely in this day and age. I didn’t want to raise her hopes but due to my experience I was aware that it would be likely that he would have a court appearance within the following days. Whilst it’s not uncommon I was surprised to see it listed the following morning and gave her the information.
She had never attended court before and was incredibly anxious. I talked her through what was likely to happen, advised her to take support with her and some lunch as most courthouses don’t offer canteen facilities these days. I explained that she wouldn’t be able to talk to her son and that if he was taken from the prison to the court that he would be in the dock when the court session takes place.
Neither of us had any idea about what he was in court for but it was clearly a serious matter so I advised her to prepare herself. He had run over an elderly gentleman who had sadly died and he was also over the drink driving limit. She was utterly devastated. On this occasion the officer allowed a very short conversation and gave Anna his prison number to contact him either via email a prisoner or by letter. I spent the next few weeks guiding Anna through the processes of arranging visits, preparing for them, taking his clothing in the prison, sorting out legal representation and dealing with the rollercoaster of emotions that she was suffering. The story was relatively big news in their locality and I supported her through dealing with this intrusion into her and her family’s lives.
He was jailed for 8 years. That was 12 months ago. I still get asked questions from time to time and she knows that I am there to support her when she needs me but she appears to be taking it in her stride and has accepted what happened.
Imprisonment for public protection (IPP) sentences were indeterminate sentences given to serious offenders who posed a significant risk of serious harm to the public. They were rolled out in 2005 but later abolished in 2012.
The courts imposed a total of 8,711 IPP sentences (some offenders received more than one). Although it is more than decade since they were abolished, thousands of people are still in prison serving an IPP sentence. The most recent prison population data shows that on 31 March 2023, there were 1,355 offenders serving an IPP sentence who had never been released from prison.
Sarah’s son Sam has been in prison for over ten years. He was sentenced to 4 years imprisonment for arson. He set fire to his bed in his family home during a drug induced psychosis, he put his own life and that of his families in danger and he has apologised, every single day since, for doing so.
Sam has had his parole denied for 6 years. He is a drug addict and as such in the past , he has regularly failed routine drugs tests and had spats with fellow inmates. He suffers with poor mental health and Sarah is constantly anxious about receiving a call that he has passed away. Sarah contacted me for support quite recently as she was wishing to discuss an action plan that had been published in April from the House of Lords discussing processing these prisoners and ending these cruel and inhumane sentences. We discussed at length the impact that this has had on her life and that of her family. She is absolutely convinced that if Sam was given an opportunity to prove himself in the community with the support from his family, probation and placed on a substance abuse program, that he will recover. There are a number of organisations with whom I am affiliated and I have seen a reasonable amount of success stories from those who have approached their MP for supporting parole applications. I advised Sarah to contact a group who facilitate sending lobbying letters and assist with appropriate content. His next parole meeting is in February next year. He is currently 63 days drug free, he calls his mum every day to tell her “another day clean”. He is maintaining this because he is desperate to have a life beyond his past.
The support for Sarah, at this time, is minimal due to her having lived this journey for so long now. Once Sam is released the support will become very important. Assisting her with a new set of challenges that arise post release will be our number one priority. She will need advice about probation, benefits, housing, substance abuse, mental health and many other factors that will impact both of their lives. So for now, I check in on her every few weeks simply to let her know that we are still there to support her, at any time.
Sarah has also offered to be a moderator on the Unseen Victims Facebook page and offer support to other loved ones whose lives have been affected by IPP sentences.
In July 2017, Simon was accused of raping a women who he invited into his home after meeting earlier in the evening in a pub. They didn’t have any sexual contact besides a kiss in the living room. Simon is reasonably disabled due to being born with a congenital disorder which affects his legs and mobility. Simon was arrested, interviewed and released on police bail. He had no criminality in his past and was very highly regarded in his local community.
I was first contacted by Simon a few days after this intrusion into his life in a group on Facebook, it was immediately obvious that he was extremely distressed and that this was affecting his mental health. Discussions about wanting to end their life are not uncommon when defendants are maintaining innocence, as Simon was. My initial discussions with him were to reassure him that the police will do a thorough investigation and if, as he pertained, no sexual contact had been made that the matter should be resolved reasonably swiftly. He was also given advice to make a GP appointment to discuss his declining mental health.
I hadn’t heard from him for a couple of days so I made contact which is something that I have always done with anyone who I have supported displaying extreme distress. We chatted on and off all day. In the evening Simon disclosed to me that he had taken a number of tablets, upon receiving this disclosure I had no idea of his address so I made contact with a person who had commented on a recent facebook post and asked them to please do a welfare check on him. They went to his home and found him unresponsive and an ambulance was called. He survived, thankfully, but he was kept on police bail for almost 12 months before he was informed that no further action would be taken against him and that the case would be dropped. During this period of time we spoke frequently and Simon would approach me in times of crisis, regularly. He struggled speaking with family and friends about what was happening and his emotions, we are still very close to this day.
He will never recover fully from the experience but he uses this to support and offer advice to others who find themselves in the position that he was placed in.
I was first contacted by Sophie in early 2021 after she requested to join my Facebook group. Her partner had been jailed a few days previously for a very serious crime and she was nearing the end of her third pregnancy. She was seeking advice about the possibility of him being allowed to attend the birth and was told that due the nature of his crime that would sadly not be possible and we discussed visits with the baby and her other children. She was incredibly anxious about the whole experience of supporting her partner in prison and we chatted for a number of hours online.
Only a matter of days later I was contacted again by Sophie. Most probably due to the shock of her partner being imprisoned, she had developed pre-eclampsia and their baby had been stillborn, she was incredibly lucky to survive herself. At this time I had supported many loved ones who’s partners had died whilst in prison custody but none where a child of the family had passed away. Sophie was desperate for her partner to be able to hold his son and say goodbye. I have to be honest, at the time I had very little confidence that a release on temporary licence ROTL would be afforded then due the nature of the crime which found him jailed. It was late in the evening so nothing could be done at that time and I promised her that first thing in the morning we would start work on getting him to her bedside.
The first contact was made with the prison at 9am and calls were made by both myself and Sophie throughout the day but information granted was very limited and Sophie was beside herself with grief. She had family members supporting her but none that had any insight into prison rules or regulations or what to expect. The last call into the prison was made only a matter of minutes before her partner arrived at her side and was allowed a brief time to hold and say goodbye to their baby. In most cases where a ROTL is granted for in an emergency the loved ones are not informed that it has been approved beforehand. I had forewarned her that he would be shackled and that at least two officers would accompany him. I also advised her that any contact between them would be very limited, if any at all. They were not allowed any physical contact due to Covid restriction being enforced, at that time. She thanked me later for informing her about the restrictions and what would happen.
Whilst she was utterly devastated about her loss, she was slightly appeased by the prison’s compassion and understanding. I continued to support her during the following six weeks in the run up to the funeral both online and during hours of telephone calls. A further request for ROTL was requested for her partner to attend the funeral and I sent direct correspondence to the prison governor explaining my personal involvement and how important that it was for their family that he attend. On the day of the funeral, a short time before it took place, he was escorted into the church. They were allowed intimacy, the officers were incredibly discreet and they supported one another through one of the worst days of their lives.
I still speak with Sophie regularly and whilst she is continuing to support her now ex partner on his prison journey she has met another man and they have recently had a healthy baby girl.
